More Amanda

She is like a girlfriend to me rather than an arrangement (should never have shown her this stupid blog!). Hard for me to believe she will not be in my life.... Me, starting to tear up? shiiiit

She sent an email saying she is starting to develop feelings for me and she is getting jealous if I were to see other people in the same time. She says she doesn't want to get hurt.

Makes perfect sense, I have been down that road before myself a bunch of times so I totally understand.

So we will not see each other anymore. And this is the thing about the SD business. One in ten, as I have said elsewhere in this diary, one (or both) of the individuals start having feelings for the other and then comes decision time. Getting sad as I write this, I hope she is not hurt.

But I guess she is one of those folks who doesn't realize that hurt, fear, greed, love, lust, and combat is what makes life worth living. Otherwise if we always just protect ourselves, we will be missing out of a lot of stuff. You have to be courageous enough to get hurt, and even though it does I feel so alive!! Love the smell of napalm in the morning, lol.

Hey, this reminds me of that Benjamin Button movie with Brad Pitt. I highly recommend y' all go see it.