Negotiate? Naaahh

Someone asked: hey David how do you negotiate an arrangement with potential SB's?

My response at first was: I don't. I just tell them and if they like it they take it, otherwise we part as friends. Pretty simple. But upon deeper reflection it really depends on the situation and on that particular day. Was I having a good day? How was the market treating us recently? If bad, I would tend to clam up and go into my shell and hide for a while until I figure a way out. If good, I would be all smiles. So I used to be pretty moody in general, although as I age I became more even keeled.

Anyway, I try not to make the first move. I just treat the 'meeting' which usually take place at a nice restaurant or wine bar as a date in real life. I really do not treat any of these ladies any differently. Many have told me that SD's treat them like prostitutes. I don't make any assumptions about who they are or aren't. I figure if this is like a real date, everyone will be relaxed, talking and behaving normally so the truth will eventually come out. Incidentally, I have been told that they feel very open and relaxed with me as if they have known me for a long time. And that's my style, in general, I suppose. This way you can piece together the picture of someone and their personality. Are they genuine or are they manipulative. Do I see myself spending any quality time with them or not? One can tell pretty quickly. And if by the time desert is served the 'sugar' discussion has not happened yet, I may prod along the pace by asking a direct question, to see how she responds.

In general, I really tend to treat everything like a real date first, 'sugar' date second. For example, I was at this nice steakhouse in Midtown with someone my age. Yes, I know how come 42 and not 22? Well, I like women around my age group that's why. She was interesting, attractive, great life story, and educated at Columbia. The conversation was nice enough, but the chemistry and tension was not there. It felt like I was out for dinner with my neighbor. So the subject of 'sugar' never even came up. Why? there was no need for it to come up, because I didn't see my self being with her. So we gave each other a quick goodnight kiss on the cheek, helped her get a taxi and never met again. Why waste everyone's time? Then a week later I was at the very same steakhouse with another lady just a couple of years younger. I really liked her open and hearty personality, and after dinner and five drinks we were all over each other. She invited me to her place and we went through several condoms that particular evening. Next morning she texted me about the subject of 'sugar' and I just said yes to everything. See how easy that was?

In Nina's case she never ever mentioned 'sugar' in person and neither did I. We only discussed that through email before we first met. So one can say that the initial mention or negotiation for 'sugar' was through a faceless email. I guess some people feel more comfortable that way. And then, on occasion, while the relationship was going on, she would just mention her various financial needs and I would take care of her. She knew I would take care of her, and I knew she would take care of SD David. Period. Not sure why, but that's the format that I prefer. Much better than giving someone a pack of 50's in an envelope on the second and fourth Monday of each month. That format, to me, feels very artificial and escort like. And using a Paypal account is only marginally better (Gomez actually had that)

Or let's just use one of my all time favorites, Malone, as another example. We were just talking over lunch on our very first date, and I made an offer for the arrangement, she said yes, and within 60 seconds or less the whole matter was settled and never mentioned again, that's how comfortable we felt with each other. Just like two old buddies talking about basketball scores. It was that easy.

So the point of all of this is that if the real date goes well, then the 'sugar' part of the date is easy too. If the real date is forced, or dull, and if it becomes a negotiation like a business meeting then the whole affair will be very short lived. At least in my case. And that's that.