And that's that

And now it's over. The sugar daddy phase of my life is done with (until further notice, LOL).

I had told myself that around the summer holidays I will retire from this 'business' and looks like I am keeping my promise.

But I'll be back. As they say in the sugar daddy business, "Once you go sweet, you always repeat".

Time to be a good boy at home, save my money etc. Better yet, I need to pay a lot more attention to the true love of my life, my college cupcake. Time to get that once flame-hot relationship back on track again. She is a sweet gal, a great mom, and makes me feel relaxed and safe.
Whenever I touch her, even if it is only on her shoulder I feel bonded, and reminded of that little college girl I met so long ago. Without her I would be nothing.
My baby son is coming home soon, I can't wait to see him again. I have missed him soooo much.

Bora Bora

So majorly bored... Sitting on my living room floor, reading the Wall Street Journal and drinking Grolsch beer, and nothing else to do. Reminds me exactly of the 'all dressed up and nowhere to go' episode of some time ago. Only that one ended succesfully. Hopefully some old flame will call or email, if only to chat.
Being alone over the period of several days causes the mind to play tricks on me, because I start thinking about the past. And not always in a good light. Done a lot of stupid things. I just remembered several people calling me rude. Am I really rude? hmmm, dunno.
Sometimes could be self centered, and maybe in that I end up hurting other people without even realizing it. Someone please call/email/shout darn it and put me out of my misery, don't feel like being alone tonight....

More Amanda

She is like a girlfriend to me rather than an arrangement (should never have shown her this stupid blog!). Hard for me to believe she will not be in my life.... Me, starting to tear up? shiiiit

She sent an email saying she is starting to develop feelings for me and she is getting jealous if I were to see other people in the same time. She says she doesn't want to get hurt.

Makes perfect sense, I have been down that road before myself a bunch of times so I totally understand.

So we will not see each other anymore. And this is the thing about the SD business. One in ten, as I have said elsewhere in this diary, one (or both) of the individuals start having feelings for the other and then comes decision time. Getting sad as I write this, I hope she is not hurt.

But I guess she is one of those folks who doesn't realize that hurt, fear, greed, love, lust, and combat is what makes life worth living. Otherwise if we always just protect ourselves, we will be missing out of a lot of stuff. You have to be courageous enough to get hurt, and even though it does I feel so alive!! Love the smell of napalm in the morning, lol.

Hey, this reminds me of that Benjamin Button movie with Brad Pitt. I highly recommend y' all go see it.

Amanda

We are starting to have these nice little discussions about past experiences, likes and dislikes etc. I am finding out she is as sweet as she looks. I was trying to give her some unsolicited advice about jobs, school etc, but somehow I sounded arrogant or something, and she got pissed off. I apologized later...

Before she took off for one of her trips today, she text me to ask if she could bring me something from her trip. How sweet. I was thinking of moving on, but she is such a sweet girl that I will stick around for a while longer. No harm at all. Let's do this! I call her Squito sometimes, kinda like her last name, I don't think she appreciates it though.

More of the sweetie (some older stuff) :

Our last date before I went on vaca was great. She loves sushi so we went to this trendy spot with lots of beautiful people and had a great time. After dessert we started talking about some of our past relationships and sexual experiences. She asked me if I was nervous to meet her for the first time and I said no (the truth). She replied "Oh so it wasn't special then". She is so cute! I just told her that at the age of 40 with several experiences under my belt I usually don't get nervous about these things. I am wondering what is the end game here. I have known her for nearly two months and wandering for how much longer we will keep it up.

And, she is on call for the next 5 days. And this before I go on a 2 week vacation.... Not sure when I will see her again with this flight schedule of hers. I will still pursue this. Maybe we can get together once a month. Will miss the stewardess: we have good chemistry between us and I always think about her and want to spend time with her, at least a little bit more. Oh well, sometimes work schedules suck. I can see why flight crews have a tough time having stable relationships. They are never at home!

Had a great date on my birthday in May. I took the afternoon off and met her at a wine bar in Uptown Park. She had the day off from flying. We sat across from each other and had a few glasses of wine and talked. After we had drank a little bit she switched seats and came to sit next to me. I still smile when I think about that. It was a great time, in an uncrowded and relaxed bar, with an attractive woman on my birthday.